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Carol Grigg Counselling
Carol Grigg Counselling
Share your untold story
Validating "vignettes"
Blog
Slowly eroding away ...
Posted on October 25, 2014 at 7:46 AM |
Many partners struggle with a deep and
painful sense of loss of who they are, a sense of self. We talk about it in our group meetings and in
our other conversations. It is a thread
I also constantly note in my counselling with partners. Notice it’s a “sense of loss” which means
it’s something we once had, and now don’t.
What is happening? Perhaps it’s helpful to think about some of
the key things that help us gain a strong sense of who we are? Good bonding and attachment in our early
lives of course is crucial, then as we grow older, being accepted for who we
are, being genuinely loved, having our feelings validated and our views
respected, having our qualities reflected back to us by others who matter,
being able to achieve and succeed in a range of tasks and activities, having
our love received and enjoyed by the ones we love. I’m just thinking of these as I write, but
have you noticed something? Apart from
the ability to learn and master tasks and competencies, most of these things
I’ve listed take place in relationship. Do they take place in your significant
relationship? Perhaps you know you’re genuinely loved in a
“different” sort of way, but do you feel accepted for who you are? Are your feelings validated? Are your views respected? Are your personal qualities and positive
characteristics noticed and reflected back to you with affirming words? Are your tasks and contributions within your
family setting being valued? Is your
love received and enjoyed by the one you love? If you are not experiencing these crucial
things in your relationship, then you have a reason for why your sense of self
is slowly eroding away. We can have all
the confidence in the world within certain contexts such as work, family of
origin, other community involvements, etc, but we have a natural and essential
need to be in relationship where we can love and be loved, intentionally and
purposefully. September 2014. |
Categories: Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) in Relationships
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