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Carol Grigg Counselling
Carol Grigg Counselling
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Validating "vignettes"
Blog
A difference that will remain
Posted on August 8, 2015 at 11:51 PM |
The
thought that has been on my mind the past few weeks has been how we all seem to
have a natural expectation that as soon as we find the right strategy for
reaching our AS partners, they will suddenly become neurotypical and we can get
on with our relationship. We seem to
have a subconscious belief that somewhere tucked away deep inside our partner
is a neurotypical person who will emerge once we find the key or the right
method to reach them. After all, each
day we do see some little glimmer that keeps our hopes and efforts alive. Sadly
this is a very difficult reality to have to come to terms with, that even if we
do find some methods or strategies that improve our communication and
interaction, our AS partners will still have AS. They think and operate differently. Like Clinical Psychologist Jeroen Decates
reminds us whenever he comes to our meetings – the difference between a
neurotypical partner and an AS partner is like the difference between a PC and
a Mac. They are completely different
operating systems. And they can’t talk
to each other without interpretation or assistance. Much the same with us and our AS partner. We
need knowledge. It is imperative that we read and learn. The ASPIA website has many articles that
countless partners have found helpful and I always recommend ASPIA’s handbook
as essential reading too. There are many
definitions and descriptions and interpretations listed in the handbook that
will help partners to understand the different way their partner thinks and
operates. I would also strongly
recommend reading the Diagnostic Criteria in the DSM 5 – it is reproduced on
the Autism Speaks website - https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/diagnosis/dsm-5-diagnostic-criteria (this lists the social (pragmatic)
communication disorder criteria also which is absolutely relevant too!). One
of ASPIA’s greatest strengths as a support group has been to provide education
and we are so privileged to have quite a few psychologists and other presenters
who attend our meetings to teach us and keep us up to date with knowledge about
Autism Spectrum Disorder. This has been
a great strengthener and enlightener for those who attend. We
need professional support. I don’t know how any partner can hope to know
how to negotiate daily life with an Aspie without at least a few consultations
with a psychologist or a counsellor for guidance and support, especially in the
early days of learning. And
peer support. How many of us have had our sanity saved by
being able to talk to other partners? Of
course, the face to face support group context that ASPIA provides in Sydney
(and other groups in other capital cities) is the ultimate experience but for
those who live too far away, we have the Yahoo group (email based
discussion). Financial members of ASPIA
also have access to a private facebook group for daily support. We
have been reminded many times in our workshops and support group meetings that
we cannot manage a relationship with an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome without
knowledge, understanding, professional help and support. We don’t have the knowledge naturally. Our natural instinct gives us the ability to
relate to other neurotypicals, but to relate to those on the Spectrum we need
specialized learning. July 2015 |
Categories: Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) in Relationships
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