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Carol Grigg Counselling
Carol Grigg Counselling
Share your untold story
Validating "vignettes"
Blog
Care when you're ill
Posted on September 16, 2016 at 3:21 AM |
I’m becoming increasingly concerned at how many
stories I’ve been hearing where partners are actually ignored, neglected and
even targeted with ridicule or malicious attitudes and words by their AS
partners when they’re ill. It just
leaves me speechless and traumatised to hear about the lack of care that so
many partners live with. In fact, it’s
inhumane. Sadly, a very negative manifestation
of ASD deficits, though thankfully not in every situation. Encouragingly, I have heard some stories where the AS
partner actually behaved better and more caring when their partner was ill, as
though they knew or could learn the script for caring for someone who was ill, even
if they didn’t show adequate care for their partner when they weren’t ill. Once again, we seem to be observing the benefits of
good early role-modelling, or the establishment of a pattern early on in life
that has equipped them to be able to fill a caring role when a partner or loved
one is ill. Some have been willing to
learn how to fill a caring role. How we wish this capacity could be generalised
to daily care in a normal reciprocal relationship with a partner who is well. But getting back to the concern that led me to writing
this thought. Perhaps by writing about
this in a “thought”, those partners who are neglected and even attacked when
they are ill will feel acknowledged and validated. These “thoughts” that I write are often
useful for validating the most painful and confusing aspects of our
experiences. Perhaps these thoughts can
also be useful for uniting partners in heart, with thoughts of care and
kindness for one another. How wonderful would it be to have a “refuge” or a
place for respite where partners could care for one another, and especially at
times when the neglect at home is extreme or severe to the point of being
dangerous. |
Categories: Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) in Relationships
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